Thoughts from beneath the cushions

(Exhale)

Speeding down the highway
A distant mountain looms
neither of us moves


(Inhale)

Ego, a moth
Silence a bright flame
Burning to a crisp


(Exhale)

Great wind of the truck
Blossoms along the road
Lindy-hoppers in full swing


(Inhale)

Spent the day napping
And playing Go
Nobody thought me lazy


(Exhale)

From now on
I will not work for profit
or without profit


(Inhale)

Don’t worry spiders
we keep house
...casually


(Exhale)

These songbirds
They just don’t seem
American enough


(Inhale)

Bright Autumn moon
Am I the only one
who laughs this much?


(Exhale)

The snow is melting
and Yosemite Village is flooded
with tourists


(Inhale)

Deeply devoted, suddenly gone
I have the love life
Of a stray cat


(Exhale)
Tea and jazz
A modern Daoist
A rolling monastery


(Inhale)

Mosquito sings in my ear
Does she think
I’m deaf?


(Exhale)

Moving slowly in wet grass
The Snail & I
Drawing circles


(Inhale)

The wind humming through the trailer
Some can sing
and some can’t


(Exhale)

Cattle trucks passing
Americans kill brown cows
And brown people


(Inhale)

Snuggling with Marina
My mind wanders
I miss Marina


(Exhale)
Acupuncture is
A needle
and a haystack


(Inhale)

Sailing in our truck
A cricket on a branch in the river
Singing


(Exhale)

I left behind education
A degree folded into an airplane
So what?


(Inhale)

I may go blind
From my addiction
Gazing at the Moon


(Exhale)

Look, its Spring
Time for a new coat of paint
On our president


(Inhale)

Deep in the woods
Even the river chuckles with joy
What is happiness?


(Exhale)

Ear against soft bark
The sequoia sighs and dreams
Of giants


(Inhale)

Slowing the pace of mind
A tree doesn’t notice the snow
Just a transient friend


(Exhale)

Do not seek your own
Instead, find what others have lost
And return it


(Inhale)

Taiji play at sunrise
Long shadows attend my movements
Master and disciple


(Exhale)

In a tickle-fight
Surrender is usually better
Than pride


(Inhale)

Fog blankets the road
When the sky isn’t there
Where is my family?


(Exhale)

Past lies linger
Like high school GPA
Meaningless, but persistent


(Inhale)

Great gifts of my parents
Even more special than “life”:
No TV & the Hardy Boys


(Exhale)

Truck stop vegan
No, yes, chicken is meat,
...and so are you


(Inhale)

Coyote in the shadow
of a Walmart
“Yip Yip Howl” to you too


(Exhale)

American health care
Pay or die
Thank you, come again!


(Inhale)

Uncle gives me a hat
“The South Will Rise Again”
Doesn’t know his own past


(Exhale)

Waking up before the dawn
Shaking off the dew of dreams
Childhood memories just as misty


(Inhale)

Imported tea
Imported species
Native sky


(Exhale)

Big Dipper overhead
Purple qi pours down
People think I’m crazy


(Inhale)

Pale students in Tucson
Always cold indoors
Escaping the blazing sun


(Exhale)

Love is boundless
But it’s tough to by polyamorous
In christian America


(Inhale)

I don’t experience time
Life doesn’t march straight
So why should I?


(Exhale)

Annie Sunshine
Disappeared beneath the horizon
will she remember to return?


(Inhale)

My mother the artist
Spirit burning like a bonfire
Consuming from the inside out


(Exhale)

A warrior-poet
The greatest tragedy in my father’s life
That there are no wars to wage


(Inhale)

Sister with the heart of a soldier
Brilliant marcher, brave defender,
And just as superstitious


(Exhale)

My magic monkey
Beautiful, deep, & self-obsessed
Lian is lit from within


(Inhale)

Patient. Gentle. Kind.
Marina's laugh defies gravity!
Goofy. Sleepy. Ox.


(Exhale)

Tai is a powerhouse
Spirit both electric & tragic
A whirlwind stirs the dust of life


(Inhale)

Poetry is fun
Word-games
To avoid real work


(...Exhale...)

“Escape Pod” ...or... “Why Gratitude Tastes Like Hot-Peppers”

Helloooo friends!

Last month I wrote a nice long letter, but it mysteriously vanished from our brand-spankin’ new MacBook Pro. (We’re still getting used to this transition from PC to Mac. Somehow I feel like an ex-patriot in a foreign, WASP-ish, very tidy suburbia.) So, after procrastinating for a while about a re-write, I decided to simply summarize. Ready?
1.) Yes, John stay in-touch.
2.) No, John no hate Christians.
3.) Yes, John happy family doing well.
4.) No, John no think old memories can form basis of healthy relationship.
5.) Yes, John happy to help health issues. Send info. Get diagnosis. Feel better.
6.) No, not likely show up soon.
7.) Yes, playing meditation, taiji, qigong, medicine, language in China. May stay.
8.) No, John not dislike family. Not instigator.
9.) Yes, John very happy reconnect. ...Maybe little bit instigator. :-)

Now that we’re caught up, let’s move on. :oD

My wonderful partner in crime (occasionally literally) Marina has made the suggestion that I list some of the things I’ve been taking pleasure from lately. So, to start, here are a few of the Podcasts which we occasionally download.

-TED talks (I recommend this to everyone! Amazing!)
-Several “alternative medicine” and “allopathic medicine” podcasts (varied) (some I enjoy just to hear the arrogance of the anti-acupuncture community. They often have these incredible New England accents that you can barely understand; they are that posh! It’s not so much “speaking,” as modulated yawning. Honestly, it shouldn’t be possible to roll your double-yous, but they manage it somehow!)
-Alan Watts podcast (his classroom discussions are filled with wit and wisdom)
-Ask A Ninja (silly fun)
-Dan Carlin’s Hardcore History (good storytelling for history buffs, but a bit violent sometimes)
-Earth and Sky podcasts (environmental science)
-Epic Fu (great for Web 2.0 enthusiasts!)
-Podcastle and others (fun short stories, fiction)
-Honeybee Man (Marina studies apiculture)
-Various Martial Art Podcasts (“YMAA Netcast” and “Warrior Pages” are examples, there are no good Taiji quan casts)
-The Naked Scientists (Overview of all the latest and most enjoyable science)
-Scientific American Podcast (great for left-brain love)
-“NPR Jazz Profiles” and “Piano Jazz Shorts” , etc. (Loves me some Jazz, baby!)
-Wait Wait... Don’t Tell Me! Podcast (Fun and informative, liberal perspective)
-The Daily Show with Jon Stewart (hilarious! I’m not a democrat, but a great show!)
-The Onion Radio News Podcast (just ridiculous fun)
-Polyamory Weekly (everything you need to know about healthy relationships!)
-Stuff Mom Never Told You, Stuff You Missed in History Class, Stuff You Should Know (just interesting “stuff”)
-This American Life (amazing story-telling! I also recommend the TV series!!)
-A Way With Words (for word lovers only. Remember “A Fish Called Wanda?” Yeah, not like that. Well, ...maybe a bit.)
-I used to listen to “Zen Master,” until it Pod-Faded (I really only liked it because the guy was was clearly as mad as a spoon. He hated everything, including women and communists. However, given that the man couldn’t touch bottom with a long stick, he really read from the Buddhist classics beautifully.)

We also listen to audiobooks while driving. Lately, it’s been “Omnivore’s Dilemma,” various Mandarin studies, “Ishmael” by Daniel Quinn, and “A New Earth.”

Surprisingly, handwriting has been really enjoyable as of late. Classically, I had quite illegible handwriting. Other doctors always had trouble reading my health-intake notes. My handwriting was what might have been achieved by a spider on a trampoline during an earthquake. Now, the small bit of paperwork necessary for my job has become a chance to explore the meaning and expression behind each stroke and connection of these words I know so well. A very different experience than playing with brush calligraphy & Chinese characters! Am I an art nerd or what?! (Did you know that brush calligraphy and play with a straight sword (Chinese movement) are mutually beneficial?)

Lately, Marina and I have been really enjoying the game “Wei Qi,” also called “Go.” Super fun! It has the same complexity that’s available within the western game of Chess, but enabling non-linear play and fewer elitist ideals. You laugh? Tell me why the pawns go off and slaughter each other while the kings kick-back with their hot-chick and personal minister? The pawns could unite, have a talk with the rooks, and the whole board would be a republic in a dozen moves! :o) Actually, it’s really interesting to discover the “top-down” concepts inherent in almost every “modern” institution. Education, language, wealth, religion, interpersonal relationships, etc. etc. etc. Fascinating! What do you think? Conspiracy? Well, I’m not a tremendous conspiracy theorist, but feel certain that societal control does not rest where we like to think it does. Really, I just don’t like the argument that I hear against these theories: “Name one thing that’s going on that you don’t know about. There, you can’t... Can you?”

There is one specific thing I’d like to extend gratitude to my parents for. Thank you both for introducing me to charity. No, not the uber-hot, red-haired, youth teacher at that Baptist church I eventually seceded from (deep sigh); but the joy of giving. One of the best things my Pop ever did, was to take a bewildered me to a nearby house in Escondido. The old place had weeds that were years-overgrown. As tall as an 8-year old. My dad didn’t announce himself, but rather let the roar of a gas-powered mower make our introductions. From time to time as we hacked, chopped, sliced, pulled, and sweated our way through that yard, a small, white-haired, pale face would peek out from behind heavy 1970’s curtains. After several hours of landscaping and bagging, a tiny old woman ventured out from behind her door to offer us some lemonade. We went home soon after, quietly content in our little truck. That little act of neighborly love left a huge impact!

Another time, also in Escondido, my mum returned from her job at the bank with a story of a destitute man. He had somehow lost everything. I ran up to my room and grabbed a little cardboard box which held my “life-savings.” (Probably no more than $10!) Returning downstairs, I asked my mom to give it to him to help his family. Again, the simple act of anonymous giving left me feeling fantastic. Brotherly love is definitely addicting! A short time later, she returned with a thank you note, and a box of chocolates he had bought as a gesture of appreciation for my mom. Know what I felt? I thought to myself, “Wow! I bet he spent the money I gave him on that chocolate! What a waste! Why not spend it on his family??” Basically since that day, when asked by homeless folks on the street for change, I smile, shake their hand, and tell them that I don’t give money to humans. :o)

Bartering, however, is a wonderful way to interact with others! Instead of “charging” somebody for my services, we simply exchange “meaningful donations.” For example, in appreciation for lessons or treatments, I’ve been given everything from ridiculously large sums of money and food, to shoes and a over-large sweater. (It really was an awful garment, that pullover. It had a queasy zigzag pattern, in many strange, unhappy colors. It look like something knitted as a present by a colorblind aunt. The sort of thing you wouldn't dare throw away in case the garbage collectors laughed at you and kicked your trash cans over. However, because it was such a heartfelt gift of gratitude, the sweater kept me warm and happy up until the following week when I donated it to goodwill.) Actually, Amaris was probably my first introduction to bartering. I learned that I could get cookies for a couple hours of room cleaning. Unfortunately, I didn’t learn that I could’ve just made the cookies myself, and in less time. Maybe she was a sugar-cane slavery millionaire in a past life? Between cookie bake-sales in childhood, Halloween candy hoarding, and chocolate bar sales in high school, she has made a killing in carbohydrates over the years! Even my mother sold wedding cakes for a time, so perhaps its genetic? Hmmm... back to the conspiracy theories...

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All I really need, is a song in my heart,
Food in my belly, and love in my family.
All I really need, is a song in my heart,
Love in my family.

And I need the rain to fall,
And I need the sun to shine,
To give life to the seeds we sow,
To get the food we need to grow.


All I really need, is a song in my heart,
Food in my belly, and love in my family.
All I really need, is a song in my heart,
Love in my family.

And I need some clean water for drinkin’,
And I need some clean air for breathin’,
So that I can grow up strong,
Take my place where I belong.

All I really need is a song in my heart,
Love in my family!

(-Fun song by Raffi)

Lost Sheep (Singular or Plural?)

One of the reasons that this Blog exists, is to explain why I keep a healthy distance from my blood relatives. Honestly, I had been so caught up in occasionally wandering down amnesia-lane that this purpose had been forgotten. This will be a quick note on that subject. Hopefully, the missive won’t come-across as judgmental or unkind.

Writing to Amaris reminded me that there are some pretty substantial differences in our basic systems of belief. We’d only be able to speak about the most superficial subjects, sidetracking around superlatives such as spirituality, science, and symbolism. Other “S-Words” too!

She mentioned, with pride, that her pastor’s name is Rick Warran. Oh yes, I know of him. His name is synonymous with “Pat Robertson” and “Bigot.” He’s one of those cats that has given a bad name to the purely open and loving message of teachers like Jesus of Nazareth. One author called him, “ The televised, Bible-bashing entrepreneur that is perhaps the single most unattractive and embarrassing phenomenon modern American culture has ever produced.” Now, I wouldn’t go quite so far; but I do consider him a symptom of much that is troubling within American culture. The “we are right and will fix you whether you like it or not” mentality. Here’s another issue that is more rightly directed to Amaris directly:
You know, I was truly overjoyed to hear that you were “too nice for the business world.” What a wonderful compliment!! However, Lian and I were shocked to hear that you gave it all up. Very surprising, really. Now, I have this question for you: did you give it up because of the Christian doctrine that all women should submit to their husbands? “Promise Keepers” madness? I know that I’ve heard Paster Warran speak to this submission doctrine before. If so, then I am doubly shocked and saddened at this abasement. There’s nothing wrong with being a full-time mom, don’t get me wrong; but I do take issue with strong women playing weak for the sake of a cultural throwback.

This being said (and it did have to be said), though maintaining traditional positions on issues such as abortion and gay marriage, Warran has called on the church to focus its efforts on causes not traditionally associated with evangelicals. For example, he has done much for fighting international poverty and disease, expanding educational opportunities for the marginalized, and caring for the environment. There is often much possibility within the Christian community for positive action, and it’s nice that he is tapping this resource. I also have treated more than one person who has benefitted from his books, and for this he deserves many thanks. I’d shake his hand in person, if I could.

So, perhaps it’s best that my family keep ME at arm’s length? Statements like “religion has done more to damage the world than any other force in history” might be a cause of disruption at Thanksgiving dinner. Before moving to Arizona, even while maintaining silence at family gatherings, I was already being attacked by relatives for some of my views and choices. There is a lot of “Rick Warran’s attitude” in most of my family, and so they feel justified (righteous?) in commenting upon the lives of others. This makes it difficult for any flexibility (read: Harmony) to exist in the undercurrents. For example, I know for a fact that there is at least one homosexual in our family that is/was terrified about “coming out.” They confided in me because I don’t have the same prejudices as the majority of my relatives. Another member actually hears voices, but has never “come out” of that particular closet to receive aid. My own personal view of thankfully soon to be ex-president Bush II would also probably upset many family members. I believe he (or whoever owns him) is an eco-terrorist and war-criminal. Again, I’m not trying to be contentious or rude, but this is why I’m quarantining this discussion to a Blog. I have a memory of my father exploring the infinite possibilities within spirituality. He began to become ostracized and looked-down upon within the family. His own brother said something like “You are now my enemy.” I mean, C’mon! Seriously!? Am I the only one that has his sense of betrayal and heartbreak burned into my memory?

I could go on, but I think that ya’ll get my point. Right? Hmmm, let’s move back to a lighter subject. :o)

Conversation within a family setting is tough within a gathering of hard-core Christians. Even the names chosen by my Sister and her Hubby are biblical. Caleb is a biblical name right? Who? Ummm, friend of Joshua and Moses? And you can totally hear the Hebrew origin of Mikayla. Kind of cool to add that Hebrew throat-sound on the “K” (ch)! So, to balance this, I used the Urban Dictionary to look up the “street-meaning” of their names:

Mikayla:
Amazing, best girl you could meet
beautiful, smart, caring, definition of someone everyone loves.
never a whore,nor slut
mikayla is more than likely an amazing girl
gets what she wants
never gives up
a great person overall
Jenn- “wow, your so smart and pretty”
Cassie- “I know, I'm pulling a Mikayla”

Caleb:
to have a sexy body. to have strong biceps, and ripped abs, and a nice ass
“look at that caleb lifting 500 lbs!!”
“thats guy is a total caleb!”
“Man, that caleb is a total hottie!“

Much more fun, and all-inclusive. Don’t you agree?
I personally think that God can be found anywhere and everywhere we look, and so sign-posts trying to point in God’s direction sorta become silly and, well... point-less.
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"The Kingdom of Heaven is Within You" - The Naz